The scared side of me...

It’s simpler than simple.
I smile sometimes. To myself.
I smile more often when I remember that smile of yours.

The problem lies when we want to make the simple, a little invisible.
I am normal. So, I get scared.
I am scared. Of myself. Of everyone around me.
I am scared I’ll mess it up.
I am scared I’ll ruin it all.
I am so scared that I always move everything towards ruining it.
I always think I am not good enough.
For anyone.

I like to be alone.
I like to be with myself.
I don’t like too many people. 
It gives me nausea. It gives me claustrophobia.

I am scared of being around people.
I am scared of them going away from me.
I am scared of losing people.
I am scared of losing myself.
Somewhere. Somehow. Simply.
I am just so scared.

I get good dreams. And I get bad dreams.

People don’t have happily ever afters, some barely have ever afters.

Which one will I have? Ever-after? Or Happily ever-after?


Quoting a fictionary character…

We all remember our bedtime stories as kids.
“Once upon a time…..…” and then, “…….They Lived Happily Ever After”.
Fairy tales. The Dreams. The problem is fairy tales because they don’t come true.
It’s the other stories, the ones with dark and stormy nights, that end in the unspeakable... it’s the nightmares that always seem to become reality.
We lean into the fear of getting into a happy ending.
We do have happily ever afters. Just that reality is stormier. Murkier. Scarier.
We can feel the pain. We can sew the flesh. Repair the damage. Ease the pain. But when life breaks down,
We break down. There’s no science, no hard and fast rule. We just have to feel our way through.

Let’s say you love someone so much that you want to spend the rest of your life with them and then you marry them and have kids with them.


Do you think it’s always going to be the same wonderful thing that you share with them? Will you still get that same feeling you’ve always had earlier? Will you still get that same rush of blood then? Will you still look into the eye that way? Will you always feel this same kind of love for someone even then? Will you still feel so strong? Will people not cheat on each other? Why do you lose interest?


Is it sex? Emotion? Understanding? Chemistry? Trust? Passion? Or is it an assumption?

Reality. It’s so much more difficult than a bed time story. 

Little pieces of you get chipped away by another person. And then you shave little pieces of yourself away so that you’ll fit together. And one day you look up but you can’t recognise yourself anymore and don’t even know who you are.


Everything has two halves. Sometimes people get but into two.

Why does something die inside you? Why do you feel dead inside? Numb. Just numb.

The more I see. The less I know. The more I like to let it go.


My questions are yet to be answered because I can’t find a lot of them.
Some things are just a bad mix but of massive proportions. So they don’t work.
Sometimes, it’s just the most terrible thing in the world.

Time heals.
By erasing every memory there is. 

Life is the most fragile, unstable, unpredictable thing there is.
We are born. We live. We die.
Not necessarily In that order.

Mine is a free life, but it does get lonely sometimes.
I have fears. And they just surfaced. And it’s still just the tip of the iceberg.

Randomness helps…….in accepting certain things…….to get in touch with reality.

My Love has a new definition now.
A new depth.
If I know i'll fall, you know the depth to which i'll fall.
If I cry, you know exactly how many tears I shed.
If I make promises, you keep them for me.
If I win something, you take more pride in me than I ever could.

Sometimes experiences are not over until you tell someone.
My love is for life. And my love is for keeps. 

You make me wonder...

I was moving in one direction.
You came from another.
Our lives changed their courses.
They merged and melted into one.
Earlier invisible, a new direction emerged.
I sometimes look back but can’t see you.
Then i start thinking of what you would have been doing
while I was still busy with something else.
Different ages. Different times. Different days. Different geographies.

I sometimes look back and wonder if you ever saw the moon on a full moon night.
I sometimes look back and wonder if you saw the same starts as i did.
I sometimes look back and wonder if you spoke the same words as i did at some point in time.
I sometimes even wonder at the things that made you think.
I sometimes look back and wonder if you saw the same colours in the sky as i did.
I sometimes wonder if you cracked the same jokes as i did.
I sometimes wonder if you saw the same birds flying and wished if you could do the same.
I sometimes wonder if you grew up watching the same cartoons and playing the same games.
I sometimes wonder now if you woke up at the same times as i did and gave a lazy wake up smile thinking of someone special when you wake up from the same dreams.
I sometimes wonder if you woke up with the same dreams.

I sometimes wonder if you ever smiled at a flower that bloomed outside your window.
I sometimes look back and wonder if you ever tried counting those stars and wished them goodnight.
I sometimes wonder if you cried alone sometimes.

I look back at life today and still wonder if you ever felt like going nowhere and kept walking through the empty streets completely directionless.

I look back today and wonder if you ever smelt the first rain drops touching the earth and felt different.
I look back today and wonder if you ever faced the rains and danced under the showers.


I look back sometimes and wonder if you dreamt of that special someone for whom you could cross boundaries and get those stars.
I sometimes look back and wonder if you ever felt weird, like butterflies in your stomach and uncomfortable.
I sometimes look back and wonder if ever we crossed each other’s paths but were invisible then.
I sometimes look back and wonder if you ever thought you’d have someone who would be ready to do anything for you.
Did you ever dream of someone else who would always want to see you happy and smiling.
Did you ever think of someone who would mean the world to you?
Did you ever imagine that you’d be some stranger’s whole world, sometime down the line?

I look back sometimes at the places I’ve been to and wonder if i can take someone else with me who would love the place as much as i do.
I sometimes think if you ever wanted to go to places only with someone very special.

I sometimes look back and wonder if you created a dream and wanted to live there forever.
I sometimes look back and wonder if you played in the bathtub for hours till someone came running after you.
I sometimes look back and wonder if you ever dreamt of waking up to someone special.

I sometimes look back and think if you ever wondered who that special someone would be with whom you could share Everything.

I sometimes get tired and look back wondering what you would have done to relax and calm yourself down.

I sometimes wonder if someone could teach me how to use chopsticks.
I sometimes look back and wonder how bad i was at dancing and if someone could just sweep me off my feet.
I sometimes wondered at the kind of look you’ll have on your face when we first meet.

I sometimes look back and wonder if you ever thought of singing songs together for someone.
I sometimes look back and imagine if you ever thought someone would touch your life so beautifully, again and again, time after time.

I sometimes look back and wonder if you wished your luck was any better.
I sometimes turn around and wonder if you ever thought that you could touch someone’s life so magically.

I sometimes wonder if you ever wanted things to be different and that you were given another option.
I sometimes wonder if you kept quiet sometimes.

I sometimes wonder if you ever thought giving up would be easier.
I look back at my life and wonder what you would have done if you were me.
I sometimes look back and just wonder at my life.

Looking back till now i have always wondered where you were all this while.

I met you Now.
Since then, I’ve never wondered about our past.
We’re moving towards a new direction.

We’re happy to have each other.
I have a film beyond which i cannot see.
I compare others to you.
And the proudest part:
Everyone falls short.

I’ve dreamt of things.
I’ve imagined times.
I’ve wondered so far.
You made me wonder.

Now,
I dream of our future.
I imagine times together.
I wonder about our journey forward.
And you know what?
You still make me wonder.

cherishing moments....

Kisses are meant to be cherished.
especially if they come after a long break.

Don’t know what i should cherish more...

The Kisses?

The Presence?

The Restlessness?

Or the Subtleness of your Love???





(watch out for more addtions on this article here)

DownSide-UP !

Love is Essential!
Like they have human needs.
If there’s no ‘need’, no one will ‘want’ anything.

Life works differently.
Love cannot be quantified.
We study Abraham Maslow’s ‘need-hierarchy theory’
Where one of the basic needs is ‘sex’.
I would like to change or rather modify that to L.O.V.E.!
Till there is love/liking, sex can’t be good!

Sex can’t be an obligation.
Just like Food-Clothing-Shelter
No matter ‘what’ & ‘how much’ you have... you should enjoy it
Here, in case of love, it should satisfy both involved.

Lust doesn’t solve problems.
Love does!

Life could have been so much simpler only if there was ‘acceptance’ in the world.
Acceptance for everything you do.
There was no scope for any moral policing if everyone got what they wanted and were happy with it.
Its because of these vacant ‘desires’ as we call it, that sometimes love loses its touch!

Life’s about LOVING and living
Both to be done Honestly!

We all love something, someone, somewhat!
So we “have a life” as hip-hop artists or ‘rockers’ would call it.

My love is here!
My love is there!
My love is everywhere!

My world goes around yours when you are here.
An Emptiness prevails when you are not around!

Everyone’s worlds turn Upside-Down!
Mine goes....DownSide-UP!!!

Love Poem by Taj Majomed

well, this is another poem i read long back and loved it.

So, this is for all those who love poetry!

The story of another letter...

This is another love letter I wrote on a flight from Patna to Mumbai, on a TISSUE PAPER.

YeS......the flight crew got curious because I kept asking them for more tissue every 20 mins and they were wondering what i did with so many of them.

So i wrote them a poem and gave them on my way out. When they opened it, they realised i was writing on the tissues and thanked me for the poem.

Also, since the paper quality was much better than what i had expected, i quietly kept a few for future :-D gee...

Since he is not too much into poetry, this seemed the best way to get him used to it. So i copied this poem from a poetry book i was carrying on flight. It just seemed to fit in perfectly then!

And I strongly recommend this poem; its one of my favourites!!

Enjoy.

My Gorgeous Love!!!

a letter to MY LOVE!!!

This is one of the coveted "love letters" i wrote to him.

One is the front and the other is the back.


Love can make you do a lot of things.....this was "inspired writing" too!!!
Read on and enjoy!

The side mirror...

He cries with me
He cries when I make him cry

He laughs with me, at me
He also laughs when I laugh at him

He holds me tight when I am near
He craves to hold me when I am not

He wants to see me
So he closes his eyes

He wants to feel me
He does that through his mind

He loves me day and night

He said he'll follow me to hell
A place not meant for him

He wants to be close to me
Even when he can’t

HE KISSES ME ON THE FOREHEAD

He sits across so that
He can look at my face

He notices every smile
That escapes my face

He notices every frown
That passes in a flash

He notices every desperation

He notices every move I make

He notices everything

But he doesn’t know
I do the same...


I look at him in that side mirror

But sometimes I don’t notice
When he looks at me through the same mirror

We look at each other
We look in the eye


We sit on a table in a restaurant
That has a side mirror
On his right and on my left

He looks to his right
I don’t realize
I keep looking straight
When I realize,
I look left
And see him in the eye

We look for a while
Then feel conscious
And suddenly we look away

I’ve never felt so shy

And then ask..."WHAT?”

Something happened
We both notice that glitter in the eyes
We both do the same things


But then one day
I hid something, don’t know why
I lied, still don’t know why
I know how much he hates it

He never cries
I knew only I could make him cry

I told him I lied
I had to

He cried but I couldn’t see his tears
He cried through me

He was shocked
He was heartbroken
He trusted me blindly
He was speechless
He was numb
He couldn’t think
He couldn’t feel
He was angry


But I realized something

HE STILL KISSES ME ON THE FOREHEAD

...MORE THAN EVER...

...AND SO DO I...!

can't help falling in love with YOU...

Can’t resist your leaning over so gently
When you try to explain things of importance to me
While standing just behind me
When I can feel nothing but your heart beating
Your shoulder right behind mine, touching mine
Your lips next to my ears, almost speaking into them
Your chin almost touching my cheeks
That invigorating scent of your Issey Miyaki
The fresh air of your breathe
Suddenly I realize what you were telling me
My senses don’t work when you stand so close to me
I can’t resist looking at you
I try to avoid that but it doesn’t work that way, it seems
While I am trying to concentrate on what you were telling me
I start noticing everything but what you were telling me
My attention goes for a toss, yet again
Can’t avoid those sweeping glances
From the corner of my eyes
Which are followed by the perfect nods
It seems that I miss them all
Because I can’t help falling in love
with YOU...

Lost in the ushers of time…

I am happy...
I am sad…
I don’t know what to say to you now…


You came…
You stayed…
You went…
Now I don’t know what to do…
You’ve left me lost …
Forever again
Like you always do…


But this time I think its worse
Because
You’ve left me…
Amazed…
Startled…
Spellbound…
Awestruck…
Gasping…
Blushing…
Red…
Again….like always!


Riding on the high waves in My Dreamland
Galloping on that horse called Life
Gushing through the thin air
That plays so lively with my hair
That’s all that can be seen through…
But did u notice?

That twinkle in my eyes
That glitters through the brightness of the day
That look I give you so often
That faint … enticing smile I give you even more often
With a pinch of love and a dash of sarcasm
That lost smile of mine you don’t realize often enough
It’s a happy one …
or maybe a sad one…
But it always says…
I can’t get enough of you
I guess I never can…..!!!

I know you can’t do anything about it
Well… neither can I !!!




i remember i wrote this on his laptop while waiting for him outside the stock exchange and told him to open it once he goes back. He was too curious to see it (as he always is) but still, he waited n read it once he was back to the UK. he was happy to read it. i was happier to tell him that he's my inspiration!!!

Rhyme n Rhythm

love me, but hate me not...

hate me, but leave me not...

leave me, but don’t go away...

but if you do...

then give me a reason...

coz I need life...

and I need reasons...

to live through the seasons...

coz

without you....there is no life...

coz

without you....there are no seasons...

coz

YOU... are the only reason...!!!